Letters to a Friend
by DawnGuard's Dragon
Summary: Vercy Cousland has been mute since birth. These are her words through the use of a journal, written to recount her journey to end the Blight. Cousland/Alistair
1. Chapter 1

**The fist 5 Chapters are about Vercy's life at Highever just before the attack. Read them if you wish.**

 **If not, Chapter 6 talks about the attack at the castle and chapter 7 is Vercy at Ostagar**.

 **Chapter 1**

 **Matrinalis 12**

 **Highever**

 _Today was a wonderful birthday. Chaka, my faithful mabari, jumped on my bed and showered me with kisses. What a way to wake up on your eighteenth birthday! I was so excited for the day to begin. I was dressed then went downstairs where my mother, father, Fergus, Oriana and Oren were waiting greeted me and wished me a happy birthday. I didn't really want anything, but they decided otherwise for me. Mother and father gave me a dagger with Highever's crest on the blade; Fergus gave me a book titled "The Dragons of Tevinter", and Orianna and Oren gave me this journal (Oh, how they know I love to write!) Nan made me a special dinner, but I refused any cake, and went for pie instead. (Maker only knows how much I love pie)._

 _Afterwards, I headed to my room to write in this. I just could not resist the urge to begin writing in it. No one really understands why I love to write. The reason why I love writing is because I am mute. I was born this way and have never been able to talk to anyone. I can, though, through a series of "sign language" that Brother Aldous taught my family to understand me. And Chaka was trained to follow commands by me whistling or by seeing my hand motions, and to only follow me. But I feel that when I write I have my own source of talking. Like the voice of my mind is spread to the world._

 _But writing is but one of my many interests._

 _Since I am unable to talk, my father had me train with fighting bare-handed and with a sword and shield. I love sparring with a sword and shield, reading—preferably about dragons, magic, knights, or fairytales—and writing stories about the type of books I read. I know my book interests are childish but how can I resist? They are fascinating and sometimes I do so wish I could be the knight fighting the dragon or be able to use magic. But my mother says it is bad for me to get caught up in such fantasies and utterly refuses my interests in this, so at one point she took away all my books and stories I'd written. I was devastated until Fergus had found them and snuck a few to me little at a time. She probably believes it will not help me find a match, but, not matter._

 _But the reason why I would like this journal is because I have no true friend, because of my inability to talk. My only friends include Fergus, Oriana, and Ser Gilmore, but I do not feel as though I can really "talk" to them, so to speak. I trust them, yes, but not as much as to tell them about how I feel on this. It is just that I am more sheltered then the children that run along the castle that belong to families of staff who live here or the ones who are stable boys. I am hardly allowed outside unless it is for training. Or if I am actually allowed to wonder around I must have at least two trained me with me, which can include Fergus._

 _I am "lesser" compared to my older brother Fergus, though I love him very much. Due to me being mute, I cannot handle being at court, cannot be alone for fear I will be attacked and cannot call for help, and, most of all, a Teyrn's daughter must be perfect. And my father is Teyrn Bryce Cousland, and so that makes me Vercy Cousland. The daughter of the Teyrn of Highever. And a Teyrn's daughter should have good manners, speak well, have much knowledge, and know her place. I have these things, but being able to talk. Not even the mages can help, for they've no idea how to help me. They had once suggested the Urn of Sacred Ashes to help me, but my father did not wish to rely on the solace of a myth and did not wish to treat my inability like I was diseased. I don't completely know the reason why I cannot talk, but I know that I had fallen ill shortly after my birth, as I was told. This is why they believe I am unable to talk. However, there are some other suggestions, but the answer . . . I may never know._

 _So, because I do not do the talking I mostly listen and give advice when needed. I trust them all well. However, I never let anyone stand on their toes on the stool. And so it comes to this journal. A friend; one u may talk to whenever I wish and one that I feel free to do so and that can "hear my voice", as no one else does._

 _It will be called "_ _ **Falon**_ _", the Dalish word for 'friend', as Brother Aldous taught me. I was always fond of the elves; they've always intrigued me._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Matrinails 14**_

 **Highever**

 _Dear Falon,_

 _Well, not much happened today. I broke my fast, sparred with Sir Gilmore, lunch, read until dinner then off the bed. Or, well, mother and father believed so. I actually sat at my desk in my room and wrote. I have an excellent story in mind, but the details are too scrambled for me to share. But what I can tell you, is that it is about a boy who becomes connected with a dragon, even though everyone else in the land fears them, and hates them._

 _I was lucky mother did not have any suitors for me today, thank the Maker. None ever peek my interests. They are all gentlemen, which is nice, but much too formal. And none ever know how to fight, they aren't sarcastic or funny. Just formal. You know, polite, political conversations, and one too many complements, and not only that but none like what I do. Not only that but because I cannot speak, I feel as though the conversations is mostly one sided._

 _Often, my mother says "it's good to have someone not like you. Had they like all the same things you do, then I would be like marrying a friend with your interests." But maybe I want someone who understands me. Not some flimsy little boy of six that is just learning to be all polite, in which they do so._

 _All. The. Time._

 _But I shan't bore you with my talk of boys. But if I were to find someone I liked he would have to be a good fighter, someone who isn't afraid to stand up for himself or others. One who is kind, sweet, funny, and a bit of a fool wouldn't bother, nor would being handsome. All the same, I fear that day may not come. I am still a virgin, and I hope that one day I will not be, but only to a man I would love with all my heart, and he would do so the same and would not mind my muteness. In my opinion, I would rather marry a poor man that treated me well and with respect than some rich noble with disgrace and only acted otherwise in public._

 _Perhaps one day this shall come, should my father not make an arranged marriage. I do not know what I would do if that happened. But it hasn't yet, and hopefully not soon._

 _Yours, Vercy._


	3. Chapter 3

_**Matrinails 15**_

 _ **Highever**_

 _Dear Falon,_

 _Oh I wish you could have seen my mother's face after what happened today! A suitor came for me today, again, in hopes for my hand. But Chaka would not let him near me. He knows what kind of men I do not like and he knew this suitor was one of them. What was his name? Garven, I believe. He followed me around, much to my dismay, and began conversations that were, "surprisingly", one-sided. And later, when I threw a stick for Chaka, he came up to me and his lips crashed onto mine. Maker's breath, I couldn't believe he kissed me! It has happened before but I still hate it. Not wanting to take it, I bit down on his tongue, delivered a swift punch to his face, and stomped off with Chaka in tow, viciously growling at Garven. So later my mother berated me about it and I was torn between laughing and felling ashamed. But, he left tonight._

 _I taught little Oren how to fight earlier, while I was trying to dodge Garven. But when Fergus found out what I had done, he broke out in laughter, and Oriana gasped and felt sorry for the "poor guy". Fergus was so proud of me, as was Father although he'd never admit it in front of mother. She tells them not to inspire me._

 _Too late!_

 _Father got news from the king yesterday that there has been an increase in darkspawn numbers. I'm sure it's nothing much, but father is being cautious. But if this is a blight, I am hoping I may join. I hate being all secluded here in the castle. One downside to being a noble: We, or really_ I _,_ __ _cannot travel as much as I'd like, unless we're doing "business". But that is what I wish to do. I want to go to different lands, see places, write whatever appears in my head, and fight. Hmm, what noble's daughter wishes to do this?_

 _I swear I think I am adopted, but Fergus says otherwise. I looked just like Mother when she was my age: tall, light tanned skin, long black hair. The only difference is my blue eyes, which I must thank my father for. I just wish they wouldn't push so hard for me to find a husband or act like a "lady". Besides, if I did have a husband, he would hold me back from the things I wish to do. Maker, life is never easy, is it?_

 _Yours, Vercy_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Matrinails 16**_

 _Dear Falon,_

 _Once again, another suitor. Though today, I was prepared. I was playing "Dragon slayer" with Oren (of course, I would never actually kill a dragon, I fancy them too much!) when I was called by a guard to go to the front gates to where they would be. With Oren on my back I "flew", for I was the dragon and he the slayer, to the gates. I was panting from the run when I came in to see the suitor. I must tell you, it happen though all this:_

" _ **Pup, why is Oren on your back?"**_ _my father asked me._

" _ **We were playing Dragon Slayer, father."**_ _I signed to him, careful not to drop Oren as I did so. It was funny to see the look on my suitors face when I signed. It was my opinion that he did not know I was mute. When he asked my father what was going on my father sighed and explained what I was saying._

" _ **Well, if you were the dragon and he was the slayer, why is he on your back?"**_ _the suitor, Derrick his name apparently was, questioned. Father translated for me:_

" _ **Oh, funny story. Well, we were fighting and he was trying to slay me and I was dodging his attacks and throwing fire at him and he dodged and tried to strike again, and he began speaking these ancient words and I thought, 'Hey this knight is not bad.' So then we stopped a moment and started talking and I decided to try not to kill him or eat him and we have become the best of friends."**_

 _As I explained this and much more, Derrick looked at me as if I was insane. Especially when he stated that Dragons could not talk, which of course, had me starting on how we really don't know that since they haven't been around for some time. Oren agreed with me in my rant, until my father advised me to let Oren go back to his mother, which I agreed. Reluctantly._

 _Mother and Father left us alone and I folded my arms at him and smiled. We went on with his one-sided conversation but I was dazed out, thinking of more stories I could write tonight. He had tried to hold my hand, but Chaka's vicious growl did the trick. I know that if I had been able to talk then I would have ranted about dragons and how amazing they are and I would throw all I knew about them. But since he did not know to sign and I could not speak, I went on without it. But if I had, oh maker I'd be all "take that you stuffed shirt, prissy noble." Hmm, I'm talking of my own kind . . . I'll figure it out later._

 _Yours, Vercy._


	5. Chapter 5

_**Matrinails 18**_

 _Dear Falon,_

 _I have such bad news for you: there appears to be a Blight in Ferelden. A Blight! Can you believe that? Darkspawn and maybe an archdemon! Father has received word from the king that he must join forces with him at an old ruin in the Korcari Wilds. Ostagar, I believe. Even the Grey Wardens will be there along with teyrn Loghain's men. Oh I wish I could be a Grey Warden. They go everywhere and see everything. And the darkspawn! They fight darkspawn and stop Blights. Heroes of Legend, they are. I hear they are recruiting for the Blight, but I am positive father would refuse strongly. But from what I had heard, Grey Wardens travel all over Thedas, going to where the darkspawn are a threat. Oh how I wish I could be one. It would be so amazing. Listen how I speak like a child, with hopes of being one of the strongest warriors, riding griffons and fighting off a terrible and evil force. I wonder what it would be like to be one though._

 _I trained Oren again. He has been doing well, and even when Fergus walked in on us. He gave him a few tips and helped me with the training. I know full well he will not tell Oriana of this. She'd have my head if he did so. I hope to let him use a real sword soon. I even teach him how to care for a mabari and teaching him about them. I hope Oriana lets him have one someday. Of course, it'd have to be the one that doesn't break into the larder and drive Nan crazy day after day._

 _I hope that I will get my chance to do what I wish when I am a bit older. It is strange how most people would think that being second to the crow and one of the most powerful nobles is very wonderful. Honestly, it's not. I haven't same freedom as many other people have. I am so secluded—isolated!—and the farthest I've been is Denerim. And only when I had been fifteen. I feel like a caged bird that wants to be free and flap her wings. I want to fly through the air and go where I wish and do what I want and no one to say otherwise. But I have a better chance at defeating the Blight than being able to do so. But I am not sure what my future holds, but I await it, whether I am ready or not._

 _I can feel the fall in the wind, and I know it will be getting cold soon. I hope this winter will not be as terrible as the last, but still as fun._

 _Yours, Vercy._


	6. Chapter 6

_**Matrinails 21**_

 _ **Road to Ostagar.**_

 _ **(Small spots lay on some parts of the page that appear to have been from tears fallen onto the paper, smearing a bit of ink in a few places.)**_

 _Dear Falon,_

 _I haven't any idea where to begin. It started two days ago. News was sent to my father that the king needed him and our men to go to Ostagar so we called upon Arl Howe, the arl of Amaranthine, to come with us. I had begged father to let me come with him, but he refused and I was to take care of mother and everyone else and the castle while they were away. Howe's men were delayed so my father stayed the night at the castle to wait for the rest of the men and leave on the morrow. But I also got to meet a Grey Warden. An actual Grey Warden! His name is Duncan, and he is the Commander of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden. The best part is he knows how to sign as well as I do! It was so fascinating to be able to "Talk" to someone other than my family. It felt wonderful to have someone finally understand me._

 _Anyway, Fergus left with the men while we were left behind. That night Howe's men attacked us. Can you believe it?! A man I grew up around; a man I was inspired by; a friend and someone I considered family! I was awake when the attack started. I was in my room, working on a story when Chaka began growling at my door. At first I'd thought there were more rats from earlier that day. And then man broke through my door, sword in hand with two other men behind him. I lunged for the dagger on my dresser and fought the man. I guess he didn't think a noble man's sweet heart in a thin shift would take him down. Maker, he was wrong. Chaka took out the archer that was outside the doorway. I quickly threw on my armor and grabbed my weapons and charged out to fight two more trying to get their way into my parents' bedroom._

 _Mother came out when I was done fighting wearing her old leather armor and bow. When we found out it was Howe's men that attacked us, we knew we needed to move quickly. I quickly ran to my room and grabbed a pack that I'd filled with potions, salves, bandages and two extra daggers. This I've been keeping for years in case a situation such as this occurred. To think that I thought I'd never use it. I also decided to stuff this journal into my pack. A piece of home wherever I go, so to think. After I'd switched on of my daggers to the Highever blade my parents gave me, I was ready to go. If these bastards were to die, they would die by a Cousland blade._

 _What I must tell you next shatters my heart to pieces. I went into Fergus's room to find his wife and son. And I did . . . dead in pools of their own blood. Oren had his wooden sword in his hand, almost as if he'd been trying to fight off his attackers. Maker forgive me, I failed them. I did not protect them when it was my duty to. I wanted to join my mother in weeping, but I could not. It was not the time. I grabbed my mother and took off down the hall._

 _We ran though the castle to find father, hoping he would be at the front gates. We were wrong. Sir Gilmore was there with some of our guards fighting off more of Howe's men. When the last of Howe's men were slain, Gilmore sent the soldiers to hold the gates to stall more of Howe's men from getting in. Gilmore asked if we'd been hurt, and despite a cut on my arm and a couple of bruises that might give off awful colors, I was fine, as was mother. Gilmore told us father had been wounded and went to the servants' entrance in the larder to find us. I begged Gilmore to come with us, the man had been like another brother to me. But he refused. He needed to hold the gates. The man knew me well, and so he would not give me the time to beg even more for him to come._

 _And so we left him behind so he could hold off the soldiers so we could survive._

 _Once we'd fought our way to the larder we found my father, and he seemed more wounded than Gilmore made it out to be. He was barely alive, covered in blood that could only be his, and practically dying in front of me. What do you do in a situation such as that? He tried to make us leave; saying that the castle was surrounded and he would surely die in our escape and slow us down. That's when Duncan showed up._

 _My father begged him to take mother and me away to safety and he agreed on one condition: that I became a Grey Warden. Funny, how I would have done anything to become one not but a few hours before all this. But there . . . I wanted to be with my family. Mother also refused to go and wished to stay behind with my dying father. I too wanted to stay; it was my place to be with my family. But Duncan, literally, dragged me out while I kicked at him to let me go. I probably would have yelled my head off had I been able to speak. I wanted to die with them. Duncan hit me upside the head with his fist and knocked me out. The last words I heard from my parents were "Goodbye, darling." And then darkness._

 _They were gone._

 _I wasn't sure how long I was out but I woke, lying over his shoulder as he walked. I could smell something burning a distance off, but I could tell what it was. When I finally came to Chaka barked. I hadn't even noticed he'd followed, but I was relieved. I think I'd lost enough without losing my friend. Duncan stopped and set me down. When I asked where we were he replied that we were in the forest near my home. I was surprised. This forest was a mile or two away from the castle, and we looked far in it. But at least we were now a distance away from my now burning home. I wanted to cry, but I held it back._

 _After walking for another hour or so, Duncan made a fire and told me to rest. Rest? How could I rest when all of this was happening? I never did sleep that night. The next day we traveled some more and encountered some travelers that we were able to trade with. I was able to get a bedroll, but that was it. I really didn't need anything else._

 _We traveled without conversation. Which was fine by me. I lived my life in silence. This was welcoming. Gave me time to think. I knew that is this was any other time I would have squished him under the weight of questions about the Grey Wardens and their history. But I guess I could not find any "words to say". I finally asked him later on if he had ink and a quill so I may write. He did and asked if I was writing a letter to Fergus. When I replied that it was a letter but not for Fergus and I didn't want to say, he did not pry. I know we will be at Ostagar in about five days, three if we're fast, and I hope I will be able to write to you then. I am glad I was able to tell this to someone, especially you Falon. I only hope things get better. But, strongly I fell as though things can only get worse._

 _Yours, Vercy._


	7. Chapter 7

_**Matrinails 24**_

 _ **Ostagar**_

 _Dear Falon,_

 _We arrived at Ostagar today. I even met the king. He seems more over confident than what I'd heard from father. He talked about how he does not believe this is a true Blight, since they have not seen the archdemon . . . yet. I learned the Redcliff forces were to arrive soon and I began thinking: how big in the Makers name does this army have to be? After our encounter with the king, Duncan explained to me that we needed to begin preparations for the Joining ritual. I wasn't sure what this would be like, this ritual. And so, Duncan sent me to find another Grey Warden by the name of Alistair._

 _I have no idea how long I can last without passing out. I have not slept since Highever. But I will remain strong for as long as needed. I walked through the camp, finding the other two recruits: Sir Jory was a knight from Redcliff and Davath was from Denerim, who shamelessly flirted with me. I was finally able to find Alistair within the ruins arguing with a mage. When the mage left, furiously I might add, Alistair turned to me and said "you know, one good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together." I made a small smile at this, but that was it._

 _Our conversation was a bit awkward at first, but once he realized I could not talk he told me he knew some sign, from what Duncan had taught him. So, our conversation was not so once-sided now that he understood my questions and responses._

 _We "talked" a bit and I got to know more about the Grey Wardens, Duncan, and the upcoming battle. Once he figured we'd spent enough time talking he lead me back to Duncan, where Jory and Davath were also waiting. Duncan gave us the task of retrieving three vials of darkspawn blood for the ritual and old treaties. After he gave each of us a vial, the four of us were sent out._

 _The Wilds were darkened by trees and the setting sun. Most was quiet, much too quiet for a forest. It wasn't long before we encountered wolves. Not hard to fight, but dangerous still. As we continued, we found an injured soldier whose group was attacked by darkspawn. Which of course, after helping him get bandaged, cause Jory to freak. Some soldier. I understand being cautious and wary, but he was just a coward._

 _I am not afraid to die. If I do, I am with my family once again. If I don't, I will avenge them. Simple as that._

 _If he lives, he can make life better for his family, and should he die, we know he at least tried to do what was right._

 _It was not long after that we encountered the darkspawn. Falon, there are no words to truly describe the creatures. They looked and smelled of rotten flesh; their eyes black as a starless night; armor from people they've no doubt killed or made horribly. I noticed after we killed them that even their blood was black. Black as their sin, from what I recall from the Chant. I cannot believe that before all I wanted to do was be a Grey Warden and fight these things. Maker, I was sheltered more than I thought._

 _We continued on through the forest, fighting the darkspawn, beating their attempts of ambush and eventually came to the ruin were the treaties should have been. Only . . . they weren't there. Before we could have the time to panic and ask questions a woman appeared. By the looks of her she was a native of the wilds. Her hair dark like night and her eyes a gleaming yellow, or golden; clothes were made from other cloths stitched together that barely covered . . . some upper body parts. She claimed us to be scavengers or intruders of her wilds and the ruins. I, being the only one that was willing to work things out, had Alistair translate a reply for me, saying we were looking for the treaties._

 _Alistair did nothing to hide his discomfort with her, and Davath and Jory were surely frightened, calling her "The Witch of the Wilds." She was more interested in me than them, since I really did not fear her like they did. She asked me my name and, after much protest from Alistair, he/I told her. She replied her name was Morrigan._

 _I know that had this been any other time I would have hounded her with questions of her magic and living in the woods. But my only question (thanks to Alistair's translation) was asking where the treaties were. And when she replied it was her mother, I asked if she could take us to her. We she agreed to my "Sensible request" Alistair commented that we should be careful or else "Zap! Frog time."_

 _I wonder what that feels like._

 _She led us to her mother's hut and the mother was not hesitant to hand them over. She then had gone on to advise us to "believe what we will." Before we left she told us to inform those at Ostagar that "this Blights' threat is greater than they realize." Such an odd woman if you ask me. I haven't any idea what she means. But then again, I wasn't very inclined to ask. Morrigan led us back to camp where we would then begin this strange Joining._

 _After we gave Duncan the vials of blood he ordered Alistair to take us to the old temple. I couldn't help but notice the strange look on his face as he led us there. 'Is there more to this Joining than we were led to believe?' I wondered. My heart pounded so loudly that I couldn't hear Jory or Davath arguing. I stared at the ground and I believe Alistair noticed. He came to me and asked if I was okay. I just looked at him. Blue met hazel and I hesitantly asked_ _ **"Can this Joining kill us?"**_ _He took a while to answer, as if deciding whether to lie or not, the he whispered_ _ **"yes."**_ _My heart skipped a beat and I looked at him in shock. I thought_ _ **'Had I really come all this way, after so much pain and despair that I have yet to get over and cheat death, only to meet my doom not too long later?'**_ _When my heart beat went back on track I felt it sink._

 _Then Duncan came in with a cup full of the blood we collected. He informed us that during the first Blight, the first Grey Wardens drank darkspawn blood to master its taint in order to defeat the Blight; some died from this but those who lived mastered the taint were forever changed. This reminded me a bit of stories of warriors who would drink dragon's blood in order to gain strength and power from it. But this . . . Maker, it's from darkspawn! He then had Alistair speak the words of the Joining. Words I can clearly remember:_

" _ **Join us, brothers and sisters.  
Join us in the shadows were we stand, vigilant.  
Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn.  
And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten.  
And that one day, we shall join you."**_

 _Davath was the first. It was such a horrible sight, Falon. When he drank the blood he began gagging and gasping; his hands clutching at his throat, screaming so horribly I began to tremble and tears fell from my eyes. I turned and looked away from the sight. When he became quiet I turned back to see him dead on his belly, Duncan leaning over his, closing his eyes as he whispered "I am sorry, Davath." Then it was Jory's turn. Or it was supposed to be. He refused, backing away while drawing his sword, claiming he had a wife and child; that there was no "glory" in this. I shut my eyes form the sight as Duncan handed the goblet to Alistair, who did nothing from stopping Duncan from drawing his dagger. I could hear the clanging or the swords against each other. Jory lost the battle . . . and his life._

 _Maker, why must there be so much death?!_

 _It was then my turn. I was about to refuse, but a glance at Jory's body warned me otherwise. Alistair took my hand and gave me a reassuring, and hopeful, look. Sucking in breath, I reached for the goblet and drank the blood. At first I felt nothing other than the fowl taste in my mouth. Then it was as if someone had poured fire in my veins, flowing throughout my body. I blinked and I saw nothing but darkness. Then there was this flash of light and a dragon appeared, breathing blue fire and shouting in some strange language._

 _Then nothing._

 _When I opened my eyes Duncan and Alistair were kneeling beside me, smiles one both their faces and welcoming me into the Grey Wardens. They helped me up, steading my on my feet, as I was still dizzy. Duncan told me I should rest and pointed out a tent that he said was now mine. He then had to take his leave to meet with the king, so I was left standing there with Alistair. He walked me to my tent to make sure I wouldn't fall over or get sick, which I was thankful for. When I got there my faithful hound was resting in front of the tent. I was glad to get some rest. I couldn't help feeling like I wanted to throw up. And so I did, when Alistair left me, the events of the past week catching up to me._

 _Chacka waited patiently for me to finish, then licked my face while whining. Chacka let me hold onto him as he led me into the tent. When I was finally in the solitude of my tent I downed my water flask, removed my armor, and began writing to you. It has been such a long day. Maker only knows what will come next._

 _I can't even describe the pain I still feel for my family. I've lost so much. People normally need to lose to gain. But what have I gained from losing my home, my family, my life? Everything I had held so dear. I feel that there is nothing left for me. I want it all back! The only thing that is keeping me going is my want for Howe's blood. But then what? Where does that path lead me?_

 _Now is when I decide to take my dagger and slide it across my hand. Not for the pain, not for the loss, but to remember why I'm still here. Why I'm still alive and why I should fight to stay alive. My family will be avenged, even until my last breath. I will kill Howe. I will make him suffer, just as I have suffered. He will die like the dog he is._

 _Yours, Versy._


	8. Chapter 8

_**Matrinalis 25**_

 _Dear Falon,_

 _I woke this morning and the death of my family instantly struck me. I stayed in my tent, clutching at Chacka's fur while I let silent tears fall. After a few minutes of that I crawled out of my tent and washed my face in a creek adjacent to the tents. After that I desolately went to the center fire and saw that Alistair was there. He smiled at me and I did back, though I knew too well that it did not reach my eyes He did too. When I sat beside him he asked what was wrong. I replied that I was fine but he did not believe me, though he did not pry. We ate some dried meat and offered me cheese. I couldn't help but smile, claiming that I love cheese. He laughed at me and said that he did too._

 _After we ate he took me on a tour around the fortress. Oh_ _ **Falon**_ _, if only_ __ _you could see how beautiful and majestic it is. How the sun makes it gleam! People scatter around taking care of duties. It is so busy here with the upcoming battle. Priests pray with the soldiers, warriors spare, elves ran about carrying their master's orders but I have yet to meet another Grey Warden. I believe most were in the army's camp._

 _Chacka followed at my heels all day, giving glances at Alistair and, when Alistair stumbled too close to me, he growls at him. Even when I tell him to stop and be nice he still keeps an eye on him._

 _My ever faithful and protective companion._

 _Alistair and I shared a few conversations, with me signing slowly, as he did not know enough to understand my flying hands. He asked how I became a Grey Warden and I hesitated. Should I tell him? I decided not to and told him that Duncan found me in Highever, fighting some men and was amazed at my skill. He asked of my parents' permission and they agreed. He looked at my curiously but accepted it, thank the Maker. I didn't lie . . . I just didn't tell him everything or elaborate. But I will tell him when I am ready. Now is much too soon. And I don't know who to trust anymore._

 _I asked Alistair to tell me about himself. He explained that he was training to be a Templar when Duncan found him and recruited him (or "rescued" him, as he liked to say). That was six months ago. He said he was the son of a servant girl in Redcliff castle. When I asked about his father he said he died before he was born. I feel so bad for him. Having no parents and spending most of his time in the Chantry? Maker, I couldn't help but feel bad. I "said" I was sorry for him but he told me I didn't need to worry._

 _He said he was happy to be a Warden. I smiled and looked into his eyes and, Maker, how they sparkled. I then blushed and looked away. Why would I do such a thing? I'm not sure . . . perhaps it is pity. Darn my sensitive sympathy!_

 _He asked about me once we were done talking about him. I "said" I told him already, but he wanted to know more. I simply told him I was not like other girls. Instead of looks I chose books. Instead of gossip, I made stories. Instead of dresses, I chose armor. I hate wearing those things. They're so tight! Pretty, but tight. And the shoes! Nothing but feet traps that provide blisters. Alistair laughed as I told him all this._

 _I met a mage later on. Wynne, I believe her name was. She was very nice to me and Alistair. We talked a bit (meaning Alistair translated) then continued on. I didn't see Duncan, or Loghain, so I assumed they were making battle strategies._

 _It was later when Alistair said I should return to my tent to rest for the battle. I was confused at first but then realized he day was nearly gone. We ate dinner, which included more cheese and meat then went off to bed for an hour rest, so this is why I am writing to you, while I have the chance._

 _Tell me, Falon, is it bad that I have just lost everything I held dear, only to smile and laugh days later? That I left my parents to a fate in which I knew they would receive no mercy? I feel so rotten inside. I promised I would rather die for my family, or with them. Why did I not do this? I abandoned them. Sweet Andrastae, please help me through this._

 _On to different thoughts, I hope the battle goes well. I wonder what will happen. May our king Cailan lead us to victory in the coming battle._

 _Yours, Vercy._


	9. Chapter 9

_**Matrinalis 27**_

 _ **Korcari Wilds**_

 _Dear Falon,_

 _Why does it seem things just keep getting worse? On the night of the battle Duncan told Alistair and me that we had to light the beacon at the top of the Tower of Ishal, as part of the kings' plan. The king, his army, and the Grey Wardens were to fight the darkspawn and once we lit the beacon Loghain and his men were to flank the darkspawn._

 _Alistair dearly wanted to be in the battle, as did I. But Duncan told us it was not our choice but the kings. Alistair had the funniest reply:_

" _ **Alright, alright. But just so you know, if the king every asked me to put on a dress and dance the remigold, I'm drawing the line. Darkspawn or no."**_ _I giggled._

" _ **I don't know,"**_ _I signed._ _ **"I think that would make an excellent distraction."**_

" _ **What? Me shimmering down the darkspawn line, sure. We can kill them while we roll around laughing."**_ _Duncan sighed, though I think it might have been to hide a smile. He informed us we only had an hour to light it and we nodded our understanding. Before he left, Alistair said to him_ _ **"May the Maker watch over you."**_

" _ **May he watch over us all."**_ _Duncan replied._

 _And then he was gone._

 _So, Alistair, Chacka, and I went to the Tower of Ishal to find a soldier and mage claiming it had been taken over by darkspawn. The two came with us as we fought against the darkspawn to get to the tower. We fought even more inside. When we got to the second floor of the tower we knew something was wrong._

" _ **Maker's breath, what are all these darkspawn doing ahead of the rest of the horde? There wasn't supposed to be any resistance here!"**_ _Alistair exclaimed._

" _ **Weren't you the one complaining you wouldn't get to fight?"**_ _I asked him. He shrugged and chuckles saying_ _ **"I guess there's a silver lining after all."**_ _We hurried through and fought the darkspawn going through each level until we reached the top floor. And waiting for us was an ogre. A big, scary, drooling ogre._

 _How the darkspawn got the thing in there I will never know._

 _The mage threw fire at it while the soldier, Alistair, Chacka and I attacked. The ogre managed to grasp the soldier in its hand and crush him, Maker preserve him. It also took hold of me and tried to crush me. Alistair stabbed at its legs, making it throw me at a wall. Perhaps it was not the best idea considering I may have broken some ribs. I was unsure what happened after I crashed, but I remember my vision blurring and I could not get up._

 _From what Alistair related, he had leapt into the air and plunged his sword into the ogre's chest, knocking it down. As the ogre reached for him Alistair pulled out the sword and plunged it through its neck, ending its life. I believe I remember Alistair rushing over to me, barking at the mage to light the beacon. I was rolled gently onto my back, though that did nothing to prevent the pain, and then called for the mage to help me. The mage explained that he was no healer but he might have a health potion. Alistair swore. He moved behind me, sitting on his heels, he supported my head with his legs while the mage poured the liquid down my throat. It numbed the pain, but did not heal it. The mage examined me and said I had a few broken ribs, give or take three. He then got up and walked to the window while Alistair gave me another potion._

" _ **What in Andraste's flaming sword is going on?!"**_ _The mage exclaimed. Alistair asked what was going wrong._ _ **"Loghain and his men . . . they're pulling out! They're surrendering—retreating!—while everyone else continues to fight!**_

" _ **What?"**_ _Alistair shouted_ _ **"Why would he do that? Are you sure?"**_ _the mage nodded._

 _I shook my head and tried to stand, but the pain forced me back down with a whimper, or what closely sounded like a whimper, since I can't really make any sound. Alistair combed his hands through my hair, shushing me, telling me everything was going to be okay. But I could hear in his voice he was panicked. Either way, it seemed to soothe me and I asked him to help me up. He was reluctant at first, but did as I asked._

 _Once on my feet, Chacka brought me my sword I had dropped, though my shield lay across the room. I was about the sheath my sword when darkspawn suddenly crashed through the doors. With my pain I did not fight well, but tried. I then remember feeling intense pain in my chest. I managed to stay conscious long enough to see a massive shadow appear on the window. Then everything went black._

 _I woke some time later in a hut. It was Morrigan's. Morrigans' mother had been healing my wounds while I was unconscious and repaired my ribs. They hurt, but I said nothing of it. She explained to me that all those at Ostagar were dead. A total slaughter. The king, the Grey Wardens, Duncan . . . this doesn't seem real,_ _ **Falon**_ _. I wish this were not so. She said my friend was not taking it well, and I felt so relieved to hear Alistair was alright. Well, physically._

 _When I had dressed into my damaged armor and sheathed my weapons, I hurried outside to where Alistair was standing, gazing at the lake. I ran to him and threw my arms around him. He returned it, saying he thought I was dead, or going to be. When I looked into his eyes I saw a pure pain and mourning glint in his eyes. Sweet Anndraste! Was this how I looked when I was stricken with my loss? This must be horrible for him. He just lost his mentor—someone who was like a father to him._

 _Chacka nearly tackled me once he saw I was alright. I hugged him as tightly as I hugged Alistair, to which he covered my face in smelly slobber._

 _Before I continue, I just want to write that Morrigans mother is Flemeth._ The _Flemeth! Dear Falon, I feel like I'm in one of those stories I read._

 _Anyway, Alisair and I are the last Grey Wardens in Ferelden. Can you believe that? I thought things were bad before! We discussed how we need to find a way to end the Blight and defeat Loghain before he causes more trouble. At first we hadn't any idea what to do. Then Alistair remembered the treaties. They were still in his pack. Meaning we can gain aid from the Dwarves of Orzammar, the Dalish elves, and Mages from the Circle of Magi. Alistair also suggested Arl Eamon, the arl of Redcliff, claiming he's a good man and would help us._

 _Morrigan came out of the hut, first saying the stew was ready and then suggesting we head out in the morning, due to the fact I'm still recovering. Alistair agreed, but only if we slept outside, mistrustful of the apostates, though they saved our lives. We also ate outside, the stew being amazingly delicious (or that's my new Grey Warden hunger talking), though Alistair ate very little of. I said nothing of it, since I could barely eat after my loss, thought Duncan tried numerous times to get me to eat. We sat in silence most of the time. When night fell we laid out the blankets Flemeth had provided for us, though why she had so many blankets I'll probably never know. We stayed next to each other, about a foot apart._

 _Alistair rolled over to face away from me and I assumed he tried to sleep. Or at least pretend he was. I took you out and began writing to you once he turned away._ _ **Falon,**_ _I don't know how much more death and destruction I can take. Betrayal, death, pain sorrow . . . all this in a matter of days. Are these what lie ahead of us now? Chacka is whining and licking my hand as I write, giving me comfort. But what comfort can I give Alistair? My friendship and presence will do for now, I suppose. He needs to know that he is not alone. Perhaps I'll talk to him tomorrow. Let him know that I am here for him and I understand his troubles more than he thinks._

 _Alistair does not move while next to me. His eyes lay closed, but he is not asleep. I know full well that once I fall asleep he will cry for his loss, just as I had._

 _Maker, may you and your bride give us strength in this time of strife. May you give us the hope, strength, and will to complete this task and succeed._

 _Yours, Vercy._


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

 **Matrinails 28**

 **Road to Lothering**

 _Dear Falon,_

 _I was right about Alistair last night. I finished my letter to you then tried to sleep. When sleep was finally pulling me into its embrace I heard Alistair sniff and let out a shaky breath. I turned over onto my other side to face Alistair, though he was still facing away from me. At first I wasn't sure what to do. Out of instinct, I put my arm around his side and lay my head on his back. He stiffened at first, then relaxed and placed his hand over mine. I could hear him cry some more and allowed him to do so._

 _Eventually, he turned over to face me. Even in the dark I could see how puffy his cheeks were. I gave him a sad smile and wiped away a falling tear. He tried to apologize, but I stopped him. He was mourning, which I understand. I let him wrap his arms around me. We found comfort in each other's embrace and, somehow, slept._

 _I was the first to wake in the morning and realized we had slept that way. I blushed and wanted to move, but did not wish to wake him yet. It was strange seeing his face so close. Even with his tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes, he was very handsome- NO! I will not allow myself to be taken into his handsome facial features or the fact that I was so close to his amazingly sculpted body . . . Sweet Andraste! Why am I doing this? These words just seem to enter my mind and form on the paper._

 _Anyway, he woke and we ate before heading off. Before we left, Flemeth informed us that Morrigan was coming with us. She didn't want at first, nor did Alistair want her to. But we need all the help we can get. So once she was packed we set off._

 _Things were quiet in the silence of the forest. Woodpeckers here and there, bugs would often fly around, birds or squirrels would play in the trees or make little noises. But a dead silence remained in the group. Well, until Morrigan began bothering Alistair, being a rather pest to him and such. He made no move to stop it. He was still grieving, I could see that._

 _We did not make it to Lothering today, as Morrigan predicted so. So Alistair and I built a fire while Morrigan set off a bit away from us and Alistair did too. The night is freezing, Falon! Alistair was much away from the fire's warmth. So I decided to go to him._

" _ **Do you want to talk about Duncan?"**_ _I signed, sitting next to him._

" _ **You don't have to do that. I know you didn't know him as well as I did."**_

" _ **He was like a father to you. I understand."**_ _He sighed and told me how he should be handling this better. That any one of us could die in battle and he shouldn't have lost it. He apologized to me, though I explained no harm had been done. Then he asked if I've lost someone close to me. I then remembered that Duncan never told him of what happened, and I do not wish for him to know just yet, so I simply replied "yes" but did not explained who. I will tell him . . . at some point. He nodded with a small smile on his lips._

 _I got him to come back to the fire and told him we would split shifts. I'd take the first while he the second. He was about to protest but I told him he needed to rest and that I was already wide awake. He agreed. So now, here I am, writing to you on my watch. Morrigan told us we will be arriving at the village tomorrow around noon. I wonder what we may find there. I hope Morrigan will stop it with Alistair. If she continues I will have to talk with her. Even I may go mad at these insults._

 _Yours, Vercy._


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter 11**_

 _ **Matrinails 29**_

 _ **Outside Lothering**_

 _Dear Falon,_

 _We had made it to Lothering today. We arrived at noon, as Morrigan had said. And without much trouble too. My chest immensely hurt form my injuries but I did my best to ignore them. Alistair was quiet most of the way. Morrigan took his silence as a chance to pester him all the way to Lothering, all the while Alistair did nothing about it. My heart clenched as he just took it, but I have come to the realization that me "saying" anything to Morrigan would result in her laughing at me and setting me on fire. Not necessarily in that order._

 _In Lothering we were met with by a small group of highwaymen, instantly taking Alistair as our "leader". The leader of the group told us we could pass by paying their "toll," but I refused. It wasn't like we had much, only what I had kept in my bag before leaving home and what we had picked on whatever dead we passed on the way here (I did not relish in the thought of robbing the dead, but Morrigan had points in mentioning our hunger and costs of equipment, believe me, Falon)._

 _When we refused the leader sent his three men to attack us. I have to say, fighting beside a mage, like I had in the tower, is so amazing, Falon! She paralyzed one of the highwaymen the set him aflame. Though it was not a pretty sight, I am surely glad she is on our side. Alistair bashed his shield in the second to make him stumble before cutting him down. I just barely dodged an attack by the third, but while his hand was thrusted forward to stab me I grabbed it and pulled him forward, stabbing him in the stomach as I did so._

 _When the leader saw that all three were dead he panicked, dropping his weapons in fear. I suppose none of the poor, innocent souls who passed through ever fought back. I wasn't really sure why, but the look of fear on his face made me glad. "What goes around, comes around," I suppose. I told the man, through the use of Alistair translating again, to hand over what he had stolen from people and he readily agreed. He handed over about a hundred silvers and gestured to the crates behind him, staying that was all they took. I looked at him in disgust and told him to leave. Morrigan scoffed beside me while the highwayman looked surprised, as if that was the last thing he expected to hear, which I suppose it was. Suddenly he was crying out "thank you's" and "the blight take this town" before taking off. Alistair added that if he ever came back he would kill him. The tone of his voice made me shiver, but I did my best not to let it show._

 _Alistair calmed after he ran turning towards the entrance to Lothering._

" _ **Here it is. Lothering. Pretty as a painting."**_ _I smiled as he seemed to lighten a bit, but lost it when Morrigan chimes in._

" _ **So you have finally decided to rejoin us, have you? Falling on your blade in grief seemed like too much trouble, I take it."**_

" _ **Is my being upset so hard for you to understand? Have you never lost someone important to you? Just what would you do if your mother died?"**_

" _ **Before or after I stopped laughing?"**_

" _ **Right very creepy, forget I asked."**_ _I tapped his shoulder to gain his attention, giving a quick 'stop it' glance at Morrigan, and gestured for him to continue._ _ **"Right, sorry. I was wondering what we were planning on doing now."**_ _I thought about it for a moment, though nothing came to mind. I honestly don't know what to do. Alistair tells me we need to gain the aid from the treaties and I simply agree, as I do not know what else to say. I finally settle with suggesting we get through the town first._

 _We headed into the town, to which we were met with a Templar telling us there were no more room for us. And from what I saw, I understood what he meant. Refuges were scattered everywhere and they all looked so scared, Falon. I managed to convince a few later on to try and leave. I hope these people find the hope they are looking for, if they are even doing so._

 _We had gone into a tavern later on to try for news only to find a group of Loghains' men there. I suppose they wanted to kill us and were about to but this woman, a lay sister of the chantry, came up to them and tried to get them to leave us alone. But they refused and a battle ensued, the lay sister fighting along with us with a sword. We ended up winning the fight, obviously, with only two of his men dead. I have to say, for soldiers of a tyern, they were quiet easy to beat. We were ready to kill them, but the sister stopped us. I was concerned about letting some of Loghains' men live, less the reveal two Grey Wardens living and where we were last seen, but I agreed._

 _Alistair, using the same voice he used on the highwayman, told the man to leave, pulling him to his feet all the while and shoving his towards the door. His voice sent more chills down my spine. Everyone else in the tavern went back to talking and eating or drinking. When the men left, the others carrying off the dead, the girl turned to face us._

 _The sister introduced herself as Leliana, then telling us she was from Orlais. She then proceeds to tell me that she wants to come with me, which I was confused about. She, hesitantly and embarrassed, explained that she'd had a "vision from the maker" that she needed to help us end the blight. Morrigan scoffed behind me, to which Leliana's blush reddened. I am hesitant to answer. Her story sounds a bit crazy, but she seems nice and genuinely believes what she saw. Plus, she wants to help and isn't one of the people who believes the Grey Wardens killed the king. I nod and hold out my hand to shake hers._

" _ **So she's coming with us?"**_ _Alistair asks. I nod and I heard him whisper_ _ **"more crazy? I thought we were all full up."**_ _If Leliana heard him, she made no notice of it. Since Leliana knew the town, I had Alistair ask where the best place to get supplies was. She kind of huffed, adding a roll to her eyes before stating the only person who really had supplies was a man who'd bought the stuff from the people her a few days before cheaply and is now selling them at expensive prices. So no luck there. Leliana had her own supplies with her, which included leather armor, a dagger to go with the sword, and a bow with a quiver of arrows._

 _We bought what little food the tavern still had before leaving. Leliana suggested we go to the chanter's board to see work we could do to get money. The chanter's board included us killing wolves, bandits, and giant spiders, and also finding the body of a woman. I had remembered hearing a little boy shouting for his mother before heading out, so, while Leliana got supplies with Morrigan (which actually turned out okay with no one dead or turned into a frog) I dragged Alistair over to the little boy and had him translate for me while crouching down at eye level for the boy._

 _The young one told me he didn't know where he father or mother were, and I felt pain in my chest as I come to the conclusion they both might be dead. I gave the young one a few coins to get something to eat then told him to stay in the chantry until someone came to get him. The little gleamed with hope and happiness and ran over to me and hugged me. Tears welded in my eyes and I remembered Oren, how this little boy looked just like him, but younger. When they boy let go he asked why I made weird movements with my hands. I explained to him that I was mute (or, unable to speak as I explained to him) and the movements were called "sign" and it was my way of talking, and Alistair knew what I was saying and could tell people what I was saying. He seemed in awe of this, and I think wanted to ask me more questions but, as I saw Leliana and Morrigan returning, I sent the little boy off and we continued on. Though the thoughts of the meeting with the boy did not leave me._

 _Before we went on to complete the "quests" we found a man in a cage. A very tall, muscular, stoic, creepy man. With the explanation from Leliana I found_ _he is a Qunari. Sten was his name. Sten of the Barassad . . . odd. He said he was imprisoned because he murdered an entire family and was in the cage for about a month to die from either darkspawn, or starvation. I was horrified at this man, this murderer. But then Morrigan spoke up, saying that we should bring this man along. When I questioned her, appalled, she simply stated_ _ **"you are a Grey Warden, are you not? And this is a Blight. And I specifically recall you saying "we could use all the help we can get."**_ _I bit my lip at this. She had a point, we did need help and a lot of people were against us, so I turned back to the man and asked if he would like to come with us rather than die._

 _When he questioned me, I repeated what Morrigan had said, then added that if he felt guilt or remorse for his crime he could find atonement in helping us save people. Alistair was a bit concerned with allowing him to come along, but complied. I swiftly picked the lock to his cage (A skill my father wanted me to learn, so don't be mad). Once he was out I allowed him what little armor we've scrapped off the dead and a dagger, as I had nothing else. I wanted to buy him a great sword, after he told me that's what he mostly used, but I told him that this will have to suffice for now._

 _As we went to find the bandits that chanter's board asked someone to take care of we found a qunari amongst their ranks that had a great sword. When we felled them, which I noticed Sten and Leliana were an excellent addition to the group, Sten used the qunari bandit's armor and great sword. When he tried to give me the dagger back I refused and told him to keep it in his belt. I'm not too sure about anything anymore so having more protection helps. When we completed all of the jobs on the board we gained a new sword, Othkeeper, which I allowed Leliana to have._

 _Once we made sure we had an efficient amount of coin, helped as many people as we were able, and gathered a good amount of supplies (sleeping mats not included sadly) we started to head out to the main road to leave Lothering. We ran into more darkspawn on the road, which were attacking two dwarves. Since there were only a few darkspawn and six of us they went down quickly._

 _One dwarf introduced himself as Bodahn Feddic and his son Sandle and they were traveling merchants. He asked to tag along, but at "Grey Warden" I assume he knew that there'd be more excitement on our part. So we went on._

 _We made camp a ways away from the village, thank the Maker. Having antisocial-ness was something mother tried to get me out of. Don't get me wrong, I loved my family . . . I just hate being around people all the time, mostly due to my muteness. Mother said it was just being a young adult, but I've been like this since I was a child. It's like being around people is like being in a tight space to a person who's claustrophobic._

 _I believe Leliana is beginning to grow on me. She told me, over making dinner, that she was a traveling minstrel and shared with me a few of her tales. I was enthralled in them. Of course, I had heard the stories before, but she seems better at telling them than when I read them. I began teaching her some of my sign language, which she seemed eager to learn. It was nice to teach it to someone. Everyone else assumed I just couldn't speak and make the conversation one sided without bothering to even try (nearly all of my suitors) so this was a nice change._

 _I decided to take first watch so I had time to tell you all this. Now that our journey has truly begun I must say the one thing I do not dare say in front of the others: I. Am. Terrified. Terrified that I will make a bad choice. Terrified people do not follow. Terrified I will lead my companions to death. But most importantly, I am terrified of failure. Father always said we will always fail, and that is how we learn. Only here, if I fail I doom all of Ferelden, and possible the world.  
_

 _But think! I have failed Fergus. I have fail Oriana and Oren. I have failed father and mother, Gilmore, everyone in Highever, the king, Duncan . . . how many more people will I fail, dear_ _ **Falon**_ _. How many will it take before I truly fail myself?  
_

 _Yours, Vercy._


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 _ **Matrinalis 31**_

 _ **Road to Redcliff**_

 _Dear Falon,  
_

 _So now our plan is made to go to Redcliff first. Upon hearing about the arl being ill Alistair grows concerned. I needed no persuasion to head there first from him._

 _Sten took the rear as we traveled, Leliana piped up a conversation with Morrigan, surprisingly without her becoming a toad, so I decided to talk to Alistair. I asked him about his life. He told me he was the son of a servant girl in Redcliff castle, who died giving birth to him. Arl Eamon, the arl of Redcliff, took him in and raised him until he was about ten and sent him off to the chantry by Lady Isolde, the arl's wife because she thought he was secretly his son._ Bitch _. I feel horrible for him, and told him this; He seemed a bit taken aback by it._

 _That's when he took me farther up the rode and told me who his father was. King Maric. The former king of Ferelden! I was both shocked and angry by this. But he quickly explained that he did not want the throne and that anyone who knew either resented him or coddled him. I guess I could understand that, it happened often to me too. And felt like you were either unwanted or_ too _wanted . . . all the time. One time, when I was about fifteen, I was sneaking around the castle after dark and decided to listen in on a meeting with my parents and some other nobles. I heard, from these nobles about how I was an "issue." I very well get I was difficult growing up, but I kept listening only to hear them go on about me._

 _They said they wondered_ _ **how**_ _I would be their daughter, with the way I acted. Even though they treated me as a noble daughter_ _ **should**_ _be, I was mostly being controlled, not like that actually stopped me, and was told such hurtful words. This wasn't even completely due to my muteness. I did have behavior issues growing up, though looking back, I suppose some of it_ was _due to my "problem". I had no friends at Highever, as no one really knew how to communicate with me. And the people who tried to be my friends did it out of sympathy._

 _That was probably why I was never close to my parents, and also Fergus, for I feared he thought the same. When I was much younger, I also spied on my parents while they were in their room and they talked about ways they could send me off to some other place. Of course they didn't, but it still hurt they_ _ **considered**_ _it._

 _As I thought about this tears welled in my eyes. I remember I cried many nights at the thought of it all. I never really slept anyway, I refused to. It was only at night my stories truly came to me; when they would just… come alive. Alistair noticed my teary eyes and hugged me. He did not ask why I was like this. I made him let me go and told him not to do so in front of the others. Kindly, if I might add. He nodded and we walked on._

 _We stopped at a clearing and went into our new nightly rituals. Alistair kept watch first. I wrote much of this letter before going out to him. He smiled warmly as I approached. I sat next to him and we watched the flames of the fire dance. Finally, he asked me about why I seemed I was going to cry. I rested my head on his shoulder but, somehow, I ended in his arms as I broke out crying. I cried for my parents. These thoughts I had today . . . I did not hate my parents. Yes I was angry, but I know they just wanted to help me._

 _He held me without complaint. Somehow it felt… right being in his arms. I can't even explain it. When I calmed he took me to my tent as Leliana woke for her watch. I don't think he even cared that I didn't tell him. He laid me down and tucked me in bed me and said "goodnight" and left. I did not mind, it felt good to be alone again.  
_

 _I find it odd how I allow myself to do these things with and around him, such as crying and take comfort in his embrace. I feel . . . safe around him and—No! I will not allow myself to be drawn into a game my parents so desperately wanted me to play. A game of marriage and hurt that will come later. But, I'm not marrying Alistair. Ugh! I don't have any idea what to do. I know what this is. I am probably just "turned on" by him, is all. No, starting tomorrow all this will be just a friend relationship and I will treat him as a brother and he will me a sister._

 _At any rate, tomorrow begins the new month, Parvulis._

 _Yours, Vercy_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter 13**_

 _ **Parvuils 1**_

 _ **North Road**_

 _Dear Falon,_

 _It rained today. We took shelter in a nearby cave. When it had come to a drizzle we headed out again. Both Leliana and Alistair tell me that it will take about three to four days to get to Redcliff, depending on the weather and events that happen along the way. When Morrigan began at Alistair again I thought to stop her but Leliana stopped me from doing anything.  
_

" _So, you and Alistair?" she asked with a smile. I flipped to the back of this journal and wrote that last night meant nothing; that I was hurting and he was just being a friend. She nodded but I could tell she was unconvinced. I fell back to walk next to Sten, hoping his silence would be relaxing and comforting. Only, at that moment he chose not to be silent._

" _ **I don't understand you look like a woman."**_ _I wrote to Sten:_ _ **"I am a woman, Sten,"**_ _  
_ _ **"Then it follows that you cannot be a Grey Warden."  
"Why is that?"  
"Women are priests, artisans, shopkeepers or farmers, they don't fight."**_ _I sighed and looked at his disbelieving eyes. I fought him about that and he went on to say that people do not get to choose who they are. Believe me, I know about being a victim of choice. But I merely said, in a calm voice,_ _ **"Life is like a card game, Sten."**_ _He gave me a look of confusion so I continued. "_ _ **We cannot change the cards we are dealt. However, we may decide what to do with them."**_ _He only responded,_ _ **"Can we? We'll see."**_ _He was silent after that._ __

 _We ran into a couple of wolves later on but they went down quickly. Though one got my arm with a scratch but I was fine. Not much action happened after that. I bandaged it later and wanted Morrigan to heal it, but she is not a healer, only her mother was and never bothered to teach her._

 _Alistair's turn to cook tonight and I wish I was a mage just so I could have absolute no feeling on my tongue and no taste. Maker, he's a good fighter but when it comes to the affairs of the cooking pot . . . um . . . no. Even Leliana went to bed without dinner. I only ate because of the new Grey Warden hunger. Don't get me wrong, I always did eat a lot, considering I have a high metabolism, but now I am even hungrier. I think he and I were the only ones who ate tonight. Sten took first watch then me next. From the way the clouds look I believe we will get more rain tomorrow, if not a storm. I believe I will ask Morrigan to form into a bird to search for a safe place for us._

 _Yours, Vercy_


	14. Chapter 14

_**Chapter 14**_

 _ **Parvuils 5**_

 _ **Redcliff**_

 _Dear Falon,_

 _At last we made it to Redcliff yesterday. Rain had caught up to us a couple days ago again, but we were able to manage, even with what happened so far._

 _When we arrived in Redcliff we were not expecting the events that were taking place. A villager guarding the bridge into town told us Redcliff has been under attack. I'd have to agree on Morrigan's statement: 'twould seem everyone agrees that this is the best time to start killing each other. I allowed him to take us to bann Tegan, the Arl's brother. I remember him. My parents had suggested my hand for him. I was almost forced to marry him. But you know me, I never back down._

 _Alistair made himself known to him and I smiled when Tegan hugged him. Tegan then gave me a loving look. Yeah, even though the marriage was going to be forced, I knew he liked me. I never forgot the night when he visited me, professing his love. Of course, it was the middle of the night and I was sleepy and agitated. In all honesty, I almost messed up that "Pretty-boy" face of his._

 _Anyway, we were in the chantry and everyone just looked so scared. Tegan spoke of the dead rising and attacking the village. They come from the castle and each night the attacks got worse. I agreed to help, much to Morrigan and Sten's dismay. So I immediately began helping. I had Leliana helping the archers, Sten assisting in building the defenses, and had Morrigan, Alistair, and Chaka with me to talk to Murdock.  
_

 _They apparently needed help getting armor and weapons, but the blacksmith, named Owen, barred himself in his shop. I went to the door of the blacksmith, knocking loudly on it. I listened carefully to hear him moving around and hoping he wasn't dead. I didn't hear anything, so I knocked again. This time, I heard shuffling._

" _ **Go away! Curse you! Leave me in peace!"**_ _I looked to Alistair, signing to him what to say._ _ **"Is this Owen? The blacksmith. I want to talk to you."**_ _There was a bit of silence, then he spoke._ _ **"Eh? You're not Murdock. Who the hell are you?!"**_ _Alistair flinched at the yelling. Although the door muffled some of the noise, it was still pretty loud._ _ **"Perhaps talking through the door isn't the best way to communicate." "Hm, you might be right."**_ _I heard the door click and we were allowed inside. I told Morrigan to stay outside for fear she might intimidate him. She didn't care and simply leaned against the wall._

 _The second I walked in I was overwhelmed by the smell of alcohol. I gagged and covered my mouth and nose. It seemed to affect Alistair, though not as much as me. Probably because the most alcohol I've ever had was a glass of wine every now and then with my mother, so I have never been drunk before in my life._

 _Anyway, I found the reason he'd locked himself in here was because his daughter worked in the castle and he hadn't heard from her since the attacks started. I was saddened by the pain, and told him that perhaps I could search for her if we went into the castle, but he would have to help the militia with armor and weapons. He readily agreed, but made me say that I promised to find her. Since I can't actually speak, which Alistair had explained when we entered, I stuck my hand out and shook his hand in agreement._

 _He worked well, considering he was partially drunk. I told Murdock of the progress and he began to seem hopeful. I began wondering around, trying to see what else there was to do._

 _I eventually found my way to the abandoned general good store, where I found barrels of oil. I quickly made my way to where I knew sir Perth to be, dragging Alistair along, and told his about the oil and the possibility of using it as a trap. He seemed thrilled that they finally had an advantage and sent some of his soldiers to get them._

 _Sir Perth then admitted to me that the other soldiers would like some holy protection. So, I walked back down to the Chantry. As we came close to the Revered mother, Alistair put a hand to my shoulder and told me he could handle it. And so he did. He gave her some speech about how, even though the "holy protection" wouldn't truly help them, but it would give them moral, which would help them in the fight. She reluctantly agreed and gave us amulets for them. Sir Perth was quiet excited to receive them._

 _I later found the others._

 _While helping the archers, Leliana had found an elf by the name of Berwick who was sent to spy on Redcliff. She told me that he was working for Howe—bastard—and to note any changes, but was trapped here when the undead came along. She also found a dwarf named Dwyn with two of his human companions. She said it wasn't easy, but she convinced him to help. Same for Lloyd but he had no armor, so I asked if she could get him some._

 _When I came to Sten he had barriers around the front of the Chantry, save for one part so we could get inside_

 _As we were leaving Tegan called out to me. I asked Alistair if he would tell ser Perth about the holy protection while I talked to Tegan. He glanced at Tegan but nodded and left. So I went back to Tegan and asked him what he wanted to talk about. He smiled at me and kissed my hand. "It's good to see you again, my lady," he said. I gave a small nod and my reply. He asked me how my family faired and how father let me be a Warden. Maker, but he didn't know. I explained the attack and how everything happened. When I finished I wanted to cry and he tried to pull me into his arms I quickly back off and said we needed to help prepare for tonight and left without another word._

 _I like Tegan, for he is a nice man, but I don't_ _ **like**_ _him, like him. So noble-y. Anyways, I found my way to Perth and noticed them setting up the oil they would light for the fire to enflame the undead. The sun was going to set in a few hours so I made my team and the militia rest and eat. I got my companions together along with Tegan to discuss a plan. I had already though of one, of course. I would take Morrigan, Chaka, and Sten with me to wait at the top of the hill while Alistair and Leliana fought with the town below. Berwick, sir Perth and some of his men would fight with me, but stay on the sidelines and only fight stragglers while Dwyn and his two companions and Lloyd would fight with the militia. Tegan would stay in the chantry with three militia men to guard the people within._

 _They each agreed with the plan and I told them all to go and get some rest. I too rested but didn't sleep. I read a bit from the few books still left in the chantry library, though not many were to my liking. Leliana came to me later on and we chatted._

 _But then it was time to move. We got into our positions and readied ourselves. I took my spot at the top with Morrigan, Chaka, and Sten. The others went to their places. A green fog appeared and long after that was when the undead showed up. They were what the name implied: undead. Walked and stumbling corpses came to us. They slashed at us with what appeared to be claws or maces. One actually cut me but it was small. With Morrigan freezing them, Sten hacking at them, and Chaka tackling them, and the oil ablaze the others in the back barely got stragglers. It wasn't long until that battle was over and the men cheered._

 _But our victory was short long. A militia man came to us after a couple of minutes saying that the undead were attacking the town square and needed my help. Sten ordered the knights and others to stay and I followed him with my three companions following at my heels. There were much more of the undead than on the hill but we still fought our best. The battle did not last long either and the men cheered loudly at our victory when the sun rose. I looked to all of my companions; Leliana smiled at me as she helped a wounded man, Sten nodded and went off to move around a few bodies, Morrigan gave me nothing but a glance and leaned against the nearest wall that had no gore on it, Chaka barked happily at my and licked my face. When I turned to Alistair I noticed he was using his sword for balance. He looked up at me, his eyes filled with pain as he used his other hand to cover a wound at his side. I immediately ran to his side as he fell to his knees, breathing hard._

 _I was able to get his breastplate off to see the damage. His shirt was crimson with blood and a wound gushed from his side. I ordered Sten to carry him into the Chantry, once we moved the protections out of the way and carried him to a room in there. I had revered mother assist me in helping me with him while I had my companions help clean and organize the town. It took forever to stop the bleeding and, since we had no mage who could heal, we began to brew potions, boil water, and find clean bandages. He stayed awake for some time but eventually fell unconscious. We constantly changed the bandages and cleaned the wound, while forcing potions down his throat. Eventually the bleeding subsided and now he lies, still, unconscious. He lost a lot of blood but I assume he will be fine._

 _I hope._

 _###_

 _Now it is midafternoon. I allowed the revered mother to go and rest while I cleaned up and watched him. His eyes flicker under his lids and sometimes moans words I cannot understand, but other than that there seem to be no changes. Though, I am still worried. I had Morrigan brew more potions, incase needed, and got more water. I had food made for him, should he wake, but I assume that will not happen in some time. We've no healer in our group, which is quite dangerous, and so it appears we will have to be cautious about what happens to us and our wounds. I helped with other people who had wounds, though Alistair's scares me the most. Theirs were deep would on their arms or legs, or just cut that needed attention._

 _Tegan came by earlier to "check" on Alistair, but I know he was actually checking on me. He's done it before and he'll do it again. He pulled me aside ad talked to me in a hushed tone. He wishes for me to reconsider the marriage proposal from so long ago. He tells me it is what father would have wanted: for me to be safe, happy, and taken care of. He believes he can give me a good life; one in which he will take care of me and support me. He says he loves me, and I see in his eyes I know he does. But I don't. He says he can give me anything I desire. I can travel as far as the Anderfels, or the Dales, or Orlais, and further if I wished. But that is not what I want. I want to travel, yes, but I don't need this "proposal" to help me do so. I declined and told him he should help out with the people while I attended back to Alistair. But the truth was that I just wanted to be alone._

 _Nighttime has come around fast once again and everyone is tired. We were each giving rooms in the chantry and Owen offered to repair any armor that needs to be done so. I allowed him to take mine and wanted to stay in Alistair's room in case of changes. Some blood still seeps through the bandage but not as much as before. The bodies of the undead are burned and everyone has a smile on their faces. Even those who lost ones important to them. I can see this is the start to the village recovery. It makes me wonder what has caused all of this distress. I once read that blood mages were capable of bringing back those of the dead and commanded them to their will. Or even a demon. Maker that must be the case here. Why must things keep getting complicated?_

 _Yours, Vercy._


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15**_

 _ **Parvuils 6**_

 _Dear Falon,_

 _It is now afternoon and Alistair does not wake. I checked the wound and applied a salve to it and changed the bandage. People have moved out of the chantry and back into their homes, now that the attacks have stopped. I talked with Tegan and he suggests giving me another day for us to rest before continuing on with everything else. I admit, though not guiltily, that I ate Alistair's food. Well, he is not awake, so I see no harm. Finally leaving his side I assist around the chantry in placing things in order and stack book or repairing ones that need it. Tegan actually seemed shocked I knew how. I mean, how often is it you see a noble's only daughter healing wounded men, cleaning, making potions and repairing books? Sten moved benches in place and Leliana and Morrigan (forcefully) helped around town with people trying to get their lives back in order._

 _The knights also helped and food is even passed around to those who have none, as for water. Children are back to playing with each other as if nothing happened, which I count a blessing. Leliana and I ate an early lunch together and "chatted". She thinks Tegan is handsome, but notices the way he is around me and wonders if we are, or were, "together." I assure her we are not and think she should try flirting with him. Andraste only knows how much that will keep him off my back. Literally and figuratively. Many people come to me or my companions and express their gratitude. I tell them that we were happy to help and even more so that everyone is safe. Chaka follows me everywhere I go, also receiving praises from the people. He is no doubt getting spoiled by it. I can always tell by the way he lifts his head. I simply look at him and shake my head._

 _###_

 _Night once again but this time Alistair has awoken. When he woke he was so confused and I assumed he began to panic. I was quickly at his side and assured him that everything was alright. I gave him a potion to drink and helped him sit up to drink it. He didn't seem to like it much, but complied in drinking it. He asked about the village and I told him of our progress and plans for later on. I told him he'd have to sit out because of his wound. I could tell he wanted to protest, but he knew that he would have to and I would not change my mind. I got him some food and he, literally, at like a starving dog. He even ate seconds and then thirds._

 _We chatted a bit as he ate and I told him that Tegan suggested that we meet him at the mill in the morning. At Tegan's name Alistair had a strange look on his face and I asked him what was wrong. He said it was nothing but I could tell there was something wrong. I didn't pry, though. I gave Alistair another potion to help him sleep and also to help with his pain. It didn't take but a minute after he drank it that he fell asleep and now he snores. I took one of the books that we repaired and I will read it once I am done writing this letter. I will let you know how tomorrow goes.  
_

 _Yours, Vercy_


	16. Chapter 16

_**Chapter 16**_

 _ **Parvuils 7**_

 _ **Outside Redcliff**_

 _Dear Falon,_

 _You would not believe what happened today. We met Tegan, without Alistair, of course, and he explained to us that there was a secret entrance into the castle through the mill. Through Leliana being my translator (mostly for my companions understanding) I asked him why he hadn't told me before but he said that he was afraid we would go into the castle rather than help the people._

 _Suddenly, the Arl's wife, Isolde, came running to us with a guard. She told Tegan that he needed to come back with her. She didn't seem too happy so see us. When we asked her questions she explained to us that she had hired a mage and that he was the reason behind it all. Tegan agrees to go with her and she looked so happy and relieved. He told her to wait at the bridge and once she was gone he gave me the ring that would open the door to the trapdoor. He wanted me to rescue the arl; that everyone else was expendable. I shook my head and promised I would save all of them. He smiled at me and kissed my closed hand that held the ring and then left._

 _We were able to get the trapdoor open with Sten's help and we descended into it. Morrigan lite a flame in her hand to keep light as we went on. The tunnel seemed dwarven to me, but perhaps I would ask Arl Eamon about it._

 _Anyway, we finally got to end and opened the door. Sten helped Chaka up and then the rest of us came up. We found ourselves in the Redcliff dungeon. As we went through we fought off more undead while saving a man in a cage. He told us his name was Jowan, an apostate from Kinloch Hold. He explained that Loghain had hired him to poison the Arl so he could go back. But the reason he escaped the Circle was because he was a blood mage. My inner child got a little excited about it, but I focused on our mission. He was hired by lady Isolde to tutor her son, after he started showing signs of being a mage. He was not responsible for the undead. He believes that Connor might have met a demon in the fade and so the demon made a deal with him and the demon possessed him._

 _I told Jowan to stay in the cell until all this was over. He understood and we went on. We were attacked by more corpses before we even left the dungeon. But as we went through the castle we kept on being attacked by more and more. Leaving no undead destroyed, I checked every room. Surprisingly, when I opened on of the closets I found a young girl who screamed when she saw me. Poor girl was merely a servent and was caught in the middle of it all. Not even knowing how many people were alive, I sent her through the way which we came—the only way I knew to be safe. She had grateful tears as she ran off to rejoin her family. Or what was left of it. Maker help her._

 _When we entered the court yard we found a reverent there. I had Morrigan open the gate to let the soldiers in and we fought the monsters in the court yard together. Once they were defeated, which I can tell you that fighting a reverent is not as easy as it seems, we made our way into the main hall of the castle. I still shutter at what we found._

 _Connor was there, as was Isolde and Tegan. Tegan was rolling on the ground and dancing. The demon had taken control of Connor and was making Tegan do so. It was very difficult to speak to the demon, but I had Leliaba tell him we meant no harm and only wished to help the Arl. But Connor-demon was having none of it and ran off, making the guards and Tegan attacked us. I had everyone knock the guards out while I bashed Tegan with my blade, rendering him unconscious. Tegan woke when the fight was over. Isolde begged me to help her son, but I could not believe her. If she had sent her son to the Circle then perhaps none of this would have happened. Because of her, Redcliff could have perished. She still blames the mage, Jowan, though, even when I vocalized—Maker, why do I even use that word?—my opinion. And she did not like my opinion. Well, I never got along with nobility anyway. Even though I am a noble.  
_

 _She had Jowan brought to us so we could discuss what to do. So we have three choices. Well, four if I think about it. 1) Let Jowan preform a blood magic ritual where Isolde sacrifices herself to send a mage into the fade and kill the demon. 2) Kill Connor. 3) Go to the Circle of Magi for help. 4) Do nothing. Since 4 is something we really shouldn't do, I told Isolde we would try to go to the Circle. Despite Connor being a demon, I saw Oren when I looked at him. I did not want another life to be lost._

 _I left Sten and Morrigan there to watch Connor. I told Morrigan to keep Connor passive, but if he gets out of hand Sten would have to kill him. Maker, I hope he won't have to. We walked out of the castle as quick as we could and went down to the village. We got Alistair, told him what we were doing and we nodded, putting on his armor, wincing as he did so. I helped him, since the wound on his side wasn't exactly being easy on him. He couldn't believe Connor was mage, though. I shrugged but I can see his worried look. He worries for Redcliff and the people here. I do not blame him. He was born here. I tell him everything will be alright, and he smiles at me. He has such a nice smile, and I find myself smiling too._

 _We left Redcliff an hour later. By what Alistair tells me it will take about a day or so to reach Kinloch hold. Alistair seems glad we left Morrigan behind. Leliana giggled at this. So now it is just Chaka, Leliana, Alistair, and me. Hopefully all this mess with Redcliff will be over with soon. I also hope we will not have much trouble with the Circle as well, Maker preserve us._

 _Yours, Vercy._


End file.
